If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
