I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So. Much. Porn.
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