so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
