I just pynch a tree in the face
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
