can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
