He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
