Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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