I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
