I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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