Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
