Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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