he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
