Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cut my penus on the lid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
