He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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