so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
