I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
