I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
