Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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