I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she smelled like a LAN party
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
