So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she told me i tasted like america
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
