i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
