dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
