What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
