just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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