I'm so fucking centered right now
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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