after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
