Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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