my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
