can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
