i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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