Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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