Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
