my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
