My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
