I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
