Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
