"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
