I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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