Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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