i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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