Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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