Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
