i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
