RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
