he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
