he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
