the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
