Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
