i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
