I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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