oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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