a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
