fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
