I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
