her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The uberlube is also flammable
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
