Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
