this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
