Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
