I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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