i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
