she woke up with a sticky ear
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
