You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
