How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize