Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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