if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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