I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
