can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
