I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
