so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
