nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
