idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
