I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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