Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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