My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
