Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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