Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
