She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
