Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
