i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
