You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
