I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
