is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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