If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
