I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i came on her dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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