i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
