Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize