she looked like the before picture.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
