jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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