Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
