addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
