There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
